Life

Start a Fire In Your Heart

It’s time to let go of everything that’s holding you back. It’s time to show the world who you are and not be ashamed. I’m tired of trying to fit in and be who everyone wants me to be. I wanted to go to school for about a million different things, I get interested in almost everything I come across and obsess over them when I realize how much I like it, but I don’t tell anyone. Sometimes not even my husband because I know how crazy my mind works. I was always scared to talk to anyone about the things that I like because I don’t want to hear them say “yeah right, how long before you’re on to the next thing.” I even hid writing from people in my own family because I have always been worried that they would judge me for the things that I talk about.

One of the most encouraging things that I’ve ever read was:

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

-Anne Lamott

I couldn’t agree more.

I always try to be nice, so I rarely speak my mind about anything that bothers me. I let things go easily and I’m probably one of the most forgiving people you’ll ever meet. Not to say that’s necessarily a bad thing, but I really believe it’s time to live my truth.

I’m a writer and I love it.

I’m a very okay mom and I’m proud of it.

My husband loves me for who I am and I’m thankful for it.

It’s okay to not be everything everyone wants you to be and I’m learning that more and more each day. I decided to set a fire in my heart and radiate the warmth and light from it instead of trying to find it in other people’s acceptance of me. It’s pretty embarrassing how huge of a Pinterest board that I have of inspirational quotes and poems even though they’ve definitely helped me get through some pretty hard times. I realized that if someone wrote it obviously they had to have been feeling the same way I was, so it made me feel better and I didn’t feel so alone. That’s when I had a HUGE eye-opening moment. That’s what I wanted to do! I wanted to write something that inspires people.

I tried and tried, but I could never find the right words to explain what I was feeling so I hit a low point and decided if I couldn’t write something meaningful then I just wouldn’t write at all.

I came to realize that takes time and practice, so here I am.

After making this decision for myself I started writing more and talking to people about my passions instead of just saying “I’m a mom” when people ask me what I do. I’ve been able to let go of the “mom guilt” that I carried around for so long because I accept the fact that I’m not perfect and never will be, but it’s okay because I’m still a good mom and my kids love me for it. I’ve even been able to let my husband love me more because I don’t have to feel self-conscious about what I want in life or what I look like.

I will be the first to admit that I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life and I haven’t always made the best decisions, but If I had to do it all over again I would. I’m finally at a place in my life that I feel inspired to even just get up everyday because it’s a chance to create something new. It’s a new chance to create something that even if it just helped one person, that would be enough.

I’m so incredibly happy to finally be at this place in my life and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to understand that it’s okay to take your time to figure out who you want to be and the journey will continue for the rest of your life. It can be scary to be true to yourself because we live in a world where people truly believe you should try to be like everyone else, but I’m here to tell you there will always be someone who loves you for you. Happiness isn’t a destination that you arrive at when you achieve a certain goal you’ve set for yourself, it’s a feeling. Sometimes that feeling is replaced with sadness or fear, but that’s okay because you can always get it back. Sometimes it’s even better than before because you’ve learned some lessons along the way.

Find what you love and pursue it with all of your heart. Don’t worry about what other people think, as long as it makes you happy that’s all that matters. If you don’t know what you really want in life, try out a ton of different things. Inspiration and passions can come to you when you least expect it. Do something new and try something that scares you once in a while. One day you’ll be happy that you did! Like they say: “When nothing’s going right, go left!”

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