It just happened. You lost your sh** and screamed the kids heads off for everything wrong they were doing and most importantly everything they weren’t doing. The house is quiet now and they get up and pick up their mess then run to their rooms. So now you sit in the silence and think to yourself “Why did I let myself get out of control like that?” You sit there a little longer. “They hate me” and “I’m the worst mom ever!” I’m here to tell you IT’S OKAY, MAMA! You’re not a bad mom, you just had a bad moment and your kids definitely love you.
Mom guilt is one of the worst things in motherhood and having to deal with it on an almost daily basis is even worse. I have three kids who are pretty well spaced out in age (6,4,1) and I can’t tell you how bad I used to feel all the time because I wanted to be that fun Pinterest mom, who got her kids to make cookies and all kids of treats from scratch together, or the one who constantly goes to Hobby Lobby to buy more arts and crafts supply for her imaginative kiddos. I can tell you right now that 99% of the time she is feeling the exact same way you are and I will also tell you that 100% of the time actual bad moms don’t get the sense of guilt of being a bad mom. So, hey! there’s some reassurance for ya!
We live in a world where we all want to be deemed as perfect. I tried so hard for so long and it was making everything so much worse because I put that much more stress on myself all the time. I wanted to be the mom whose kids were polite and well-mannered all the time, but of course that’s not a reality and kids have temper tantrums usually in the middle of Target. I wanted to be the wife that cooked and cleaned and looked hot every night when my hubby gets home. That doesn’t always happen either (one time I actually kept the same pair of pajamas on for three days.)
Thankfully God blessed me with an awesome husband who understands and just wants to help so he does a load of laundry and dishes for me from time to time. I wanted exclusively breastfeed and cloth diaper, but then also realized that would never work in my life so we needed to buy bottles and disposables.
There were days when life was just too much for me and by the end of the it I was screaming at the kids before bed. I put them all in their rooms and turned off the lights then just went to my room and cried. I promised myself that tomorrow I would be better, I would wake up earlier and clean the house before they got up so I could spend more time playing with them. I would make them and awesome lunch and we would have a fun snack time. No naps for tomorrow, we will spend some extra time outside enjoying this warm weather. Music and dancing all day so I can make up for the monster I just was.
As usual that just didn’t happen. I was so tired from crying that I woke up when the kids did, we didn’t have what they wanted for lunch so there were tears, they fought over each others snacks and the music we should listen to and dragging them outside caused a meltdown because it was “too hot” and they would rather just watch T.V. instead, so nap time it was.
Once again bed time came around and I was so frustrated that the day hadn’t gone the way I wanted it to and it was probably because I’m such a bad mom the kids just don’t want anything to do with me. At that same moment one by one came over to me wanting to sit with me and hug me to tell me how much they love me. Funny thing is, kids are a lot smarter and understand a lot more than we give them credit for. They can see that you’re trying and that’s the most important thing.
Your house won’t always be spotless and neither will your kids. It’s okay to go out with your friends and have a drink or two (or in my case maybe three or four..oops) As long as your kids are taken care of and they’re safe there’s nothing should feel guilty about.
Yes, you’re Mommy and a wife now, but don’t forget that you belonged to yourself first. Stop looking at yourself in the mirror thinking about all of the things you wish you could change and celebrate what makes you, YOU! Freckles, frizzy hair and all. Your kids love you and have fun everyday and your husband thinks you’re beautiful all the time. The dishes will still be there tomorrow and so will the laundry so give yourself some time for sanity and get those cuddles from your family. Kiss the babies goodnight and curl up in bed to watch something with your husband. Then wake up the next morning and do it all over again. Change what you can to make yourself feel better, but understand that bad days happen and it will all be okay.
Don’t worry, Mama. You’re doing great!!